AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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