Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
