my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Everything about him screamed your future.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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