Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
