my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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