Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
