No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
there is glitter all over my balls
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