There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
