The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
