Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
