Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
