I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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