Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
