She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
