this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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