On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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