I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
