i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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