Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think i peed on brittanys purse
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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