a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
