Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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