Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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