I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
