Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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