I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Less talking, more tequila
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
