dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
