Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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