don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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