And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
