she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
if only i could text you this smell
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
