His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
