hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
