thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
