Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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