I cannot find my penis.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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