After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
