Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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