girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
