hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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