Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
