My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
