in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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