I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
