and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
