Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
