im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have aggressive nipples.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
