ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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