i don't like sucking hair
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she peed on how many people?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
