I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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