i just google imaged poop.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
