Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
