someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
